Dad, I Forgive You… Not!

It’s the end of the school year and it seems that I’m messing up more than ever.  I just want to get things over and done with now!

And it’s all because I want to get away from my damn father.  He makes my blood boil!  It’s so hard to find the heart to forgive him for the many bad things he’s done to our family.  He just keeps messing up.  And I cannot believe that my mom doesn’t want to fight with him.  I don’t know what she’s scared of.  I know they’ve been together for quite some time now, but….  Oh, I don’t know.  I guess that’s just who my mom is.  Forgiving.

But I’m not like her and I do not love my dad the way that she does.  I think that my dad is a spoiled man.  And I just want to snap him out his fantasy world.  I want to tell him that his slacking around is not doing anyone any good.  AT ALL.  He let our business go down the drain.  All that work during summer just went to waste.  I hate it but I have to live with it.  Because of him.

All he does is play his online games.  He gets mad when he can’t play for one day.  He is so demented.  That’s all I can say.  I hate him so much.  I don’t know what I can do to make all of this stop.  What I’m doing now is being nasty to him when I can remember.

SOMEDAY THIS WILL ALL END.

More Business

I was thinking about asking my mom to just loan me the capital which is less than Php5,ooo. Canvas shoes are really cheap and we’re using silk screening paint which is also cheap. But I guess I was scared of the responsibility. That was last month. Now I just want to run things. And yes, no one has ever succeeded on the first try. Everyone fails one way or another.

I guess I’ll be having a talk with my mom tonight. I hope things go well.

Business with Mom

Oh goodness! I never thought that going into business was going to be so damn hard.

My mom and I just started a new business: hand painted shoes. My boyfriend, Jay, is the artist. My mom provides the capital and I do the marketing. Yes, I know that I said that we were going to start a health food business. But this is what happened. Just going with the flow.

Anyway, I thought that going into this business was going to give me a bit of independence. But I guess I thought wrong. I thought that the relationship between me and my mom would be business-like when we talk about plans but no…. I realized that my mom will probably never think of me more than someone who’s her daughter. She doesn’t treat me like a business partner or anything remotely close to that. I hate it so much. She asks me for my opinion on some decisions we have to make and I give them to her thinking that she’s going to take me seriously. Turns out, she doesn’t.

She asked me how we should go about selling the shoes. I told her that we should prepare some shoes that are already painted so transaction would be faster. She insisted that we should consult the costumer on what design he/she might want. I said whatever. Then I found out this morning that she called my uncle and asked his opinion. And then she wakes me up and tells me what he said which happens to be the exact same thing I friggin’ suggested.

Next, she asked me for the price. I told her P500.00 would be just fine for the shoes and the paint job. She thought it would be too expensive. Then she asked my best friend and he said P500.oo would be just right. She pondered his suggestion and seemed to take it.

Damn it! I hate being treated like this. I tried to tell her and she says “Are you this sensitive when going into business?” Who the hell wouldn’t be upset. My opinions were sort of dismissed. She makes all the decisions for the “company.” I might as well back out. Our target markets are not even similar. She plans to cater to school children while I plan to cater to whoever can and want to buy artsy shoes.

I don’t know how to tell her this without hurting her feelings. Though I think that my failed confrontation a while ago already did.

I really want to make a business out of my passion for funky accessories and clothing. But I don’t want to do it when I have to answer to my mom who doesn’t even see this the same way I do. This was supposed to be my refuge. She just happened to have the financial resources.

I guess I have to find a way to make this work. With or without her. I have to find a way to just follow my passion this time. And not just do something because it makes money.

For me, this business wasn’t going to be about the money. It was going to be about me sharing my passion for artsy shoes and my boyfriend’s talent. It was going to be about me finding a responsibility that I look forward to.

It’s just ruined. For now.