Things Unsaid. Part One.

This idea came from Meg’s blog, which in turn, she got from her friend Crissy (whoever she may be, hahaha!).

If I could say anything to 15 anonymous people, what would it be?….

1. You are such a stupid fuck, you know that? I gave you everything, my whole fuckin’ life and you threw it all away for some stupid girl who you claim is ugly and is nothing compared to me. You just lost your credibility. You suck. Big time. I wanna be mad at you to make it way more easier to forget you and all that we’ve been through, but I can’t because it’s a waste of my time, energy and emotions. I might as well be investing them in better and more important things. So I will feel nothing for you. Tsk tsk tsk. I believed in you. People never thought you could do such a thing. But hell! You did, you assfuck. You did. Hahaha! And now, at this point, I want to thank you for doing what you did. Because even if it hurt like hell for a while, and you made me not eat and sleep, and you gave me frown lines, you sent me in a better direction. My life is better these days. And I want to thank you for helping me be braver and stronger and surer in myself. You are a stupid fuck but you still managed to help me in the end. Thank you for everything and nothing.

2. I wish I could tell you how I really feel about you. Everything that you make me feel inside. But I’m afraid you’ll get freaked out. Maybe it’s too soon. I don’t know. And when I think about it, you sorta rushed into the most beautiful that has happened in my life. Maybe it’s okay to say all the things I want you to know. I’m so happy to have you. So lucky. And I know that this is what I deserved all along. I want to say that I love you but I’m not sure so I’m not saying anything at all. I know, though, that I want to know you more. Everything about you. When you were still my friend, I thought I knew a lot about you, but you still manage to surprise me. I hope things don’t end too soon. I waited so long for this, you know. I never ever thought this would happen in this lifetime. But it did! Life is so amazing! And the universe is amazing for making things work out for the best. I’m so happy to have someone who doesn’t think books are boring, who thinks that being weird is a good thing. I’m so lucky to have you in my life. And thank you for telling me that you’re also lucky to have me in your life. I want you to know that you bring out the best in me. You make me unbipolar. You make less panicky and crazy. You make me want to work on being happy, on feeling better about myself. I think that you deserve someone who can see the best in herself despite everything. Thank you for not running away when I told you my deep, dark secrets. Ooohh! So many things to say, so little time. I know a day will come when things will end in one way or another. I won’t overthink. I’ll just enjoy my time with you. Don’t go – in whatever way – just yet, okay?

3. I’m sorry you had to go away and I’m sorry that I didn’t keep in touch. I feel like nothing will ever be the same again. I just wish things will be better between us. I didn’t have any friends when you left, you know. I was depressed and bitter and an isolate. I just wanted you to come back. Now, I try to contact you, but somehow, you don’t write back. Maybe you’re too busy with your job or something. I don’t know. But I just want to be able to tell you all the things that has been happening to me over the four years that you’ve been gone. I want to tell you about all the heartbreaks I’ve had, all the betrayals, all the joys I’ve felt, all the stupid people I’ve gotten to know. I want to tell you about him; I know you’ll approve. I’m sure you’ll like him. I want to know you again. I really miss you. I don’t know if you feel the same way. It’s kinda sad that after all we’ve been through in high school, we don’t talk anymore. What’s even sadder is that you think you can’t just IM me and say “Hey! I got a new puppy!” I thought things we’re that way betweeen us but maybe I was wrong to think so. Anyway, I’m just here, waiting for you to tell me that you have a new puppy, or a new job. Be happy with your man. Be happy with yourself. I love you.

4. I can’t believe things turned out this way for us. I thought we’d be together. Hahaha! That would have been awfully darn weird, methinks. I can’t imagine being your girlfriend and you being my boyfriend. I think we work better being in together in a platonic relationship. And like I said in that letter, we’re really meant to be – in this way. But I’m sad. We don’t talk as much. I miss those nights when we’d be up talking and singing and just being the people we are when the world doesn’t see. I miss the comfort of being with you. Hmm…. And yes, I know that I still have an official guitarist with you. I don’t think that will change. Unless! You injure your hands. Hahaha! I guess that we proved people wrong this time; you can tell a friend that you’re romantically interested in him/her and still end up being good friends. I hope that we stay like this, or grow even closer, until the day we die. And I’m sorry for walking out on you that day in Ayala. I feel bad about being the cause of our first and, so far, only fight. I miss you. I miss us. You’re one of the better things in my life.

5. You took advantage of me. I was crazier than usual for 6 months. I cried to your friggin’ brother at 1 in the morning! Just so you won’t be mad at me. I can’t believe I humiliated myself like that. I betrayed my father’s trust. I compromised my principles and promises to myself. Damn. You took advandtage of my being a noob at the whole thing. But I’ve moved on already. I’m not stuck on you anymore. If I meet you in the streets someday, I’ll give you a second look and continue walking. Oh, but I hope you don’t have a relapse. Drugs can kill. I hope you don’t drink and smoke too much. The last pic I saw of you, you had red eyes and you were stick thin. You looked like hell. Your mom worked hard to help you live clean. Be a good son. And big brother. Be a good person. Amping pirme, diba?

-to be continued-

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