Beggar’s Smile

I don’t remember that day that well. But I do remember that I was a sad, sad girl who had no hope of living and struggling to make school something positive. Those months seemed like such big struggles.

That day, I was feeling very emotional—the sad kind of emotional. Or maybe I was rather reflective that day. I don’t really know how I was that day. I was a mix of emotions that only said one thing: I was missing something.

When I got off the jeepney beside the university, I saw hordes of people walking about, hoping to get to their destinations as quick as possible. It was a late day for me, as it usually was.

Then I noticed this elderly couple.

They were one of the mainstay beggars in the university’s vicinity. I’ve noticed them a couple of times, begging for money or food or whatever anyone would hand them. I’ve felt pity for them lots of time already so I thought that I would get the same feeling from them that day. It turns out that it was them who gave me something I will never ever forget.

It seemed like they were looking for a spot to sit on for the morning. And when the man found it, he flashed a really big smile to the woman. It was such a joyful smile. Not just a simple happy smile that everyone flashes when they get good grades or get a good jeepney ride home or when they get to eat something delicious for lunch. His smile was that of someone who felt this inner joy despite all the bad and wrong things that has happened to him/her. It was such a beautiful, toothless smile.

His smile was so beautiful that it seeped into my very being and made me smile. And just like that, I was happy that day. I was the I’m-so-happy-I-wanna-cry kind of happy.

The feeling stays on despite the months that have passed. It was such a wonderful and good feeling! It makes me wonder if I will ever feel the way he did when he found that shady spot beneath the university billboard. It makes me wonder if I will ever feel that inner joy deep in my heart.

These days, I sometimes I feel like I have. But not quite. Just not quite yet.


2 Responses

  1. happiness is just a state of the mind…

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