Cheaters and Lovers

I told my sister that I was mad at her last night before sleeping. She had no right to think that I was cheating on Jay. After everything I’ve done for him, with him and to him, does she really think that I can just go and cheat? What the hell?!?! With a good friend, if I might add. A good friend! Ewww! That would make the friendship really weird, won’t it?…. I plan to confront her this morning when she wakes up and tell her what’s up.

And finally, I cried last night. About all the crap that’s been happening between Jay and me. Yes, it’s all been crap. And crap. And even more crap. It hurts a lot to have things hit you in the face even if you’ve had an inkling of their reality for quite some time. To have those things slap you mean that it’s all really true. And you can’t do anything about them.

It hurts to know that my boyfriend is good at lip service. I’ll fight for our relationship, Dens. I’ll never leave you. I’ll make it up to you. Crapola you asshole! Crap!!!!! All fucking lies. And to think I let go of my inhibitions and believed every single word you have ever said! All your dumb excuses and all your rationalizations!!!!! How stupid of me. Yes, I was so stupid. I am so stupid!

I don’t know if we are officially broken up or what. I don’t want to do it over Friendster, you know? That’s so wrong. Even for this messed up crap we’re in. I can’t do that.

I don’t know what’s going to happen now. I don’t know if he even plans to return all my stuff. Or if he ever plans to have a proper talk with me to determine the end or continuation of this damned relationship.

I think that’s the suckiest thing out of all this: I DON’T KNOW.

/sob

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2 Responses

  1. ((Hugs))

  2. I don’t know who you are but thanks so much for the hug. Appreciate it.

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